Biography without Identification..

So instead of linking to a bio page and having some very basics about "me", I thought I'd give an overview of my beginnings and move up to the now.

I was born a poor.....no no, that's someone else.  I was born to a mom and a dad, the first born of two (a sister comes into the picture a couple of years later).  Before the birth of my sister we move and settle into a very simple town where the only "big" store was a Sears that was located in what is now known as a strip mall.  And this was not the big box Sears of today, but a catalog store where you ordered and then picked up the item weeks later.

We lived very modestly on a single income of my fathers with mom having the honors of full time parent.

I was the child that stood out without wanting to - I was overweight (referred to as "Husky" for clothing purchases), without athletic talent and wore orthopedic shoes for a reason I cannot recall but remember them not being of a tennis shoe fashion.

Childhood was unremarkable until the divorce and then things turned a bit sideways.  We moved when I was hitting my teens (puberty still in the offing - add that to the other stand out qualities I possessed) and friends were not plentiful.  What was plentiful was abuse from my fellow classmates (physical and verbal).  The word "fag" was thrown out many times though out my time in and out of school (they must have known something I would not acknowledge to until the age of 43).  

High School was not much better with the exception of "fag" and all the abuse that came with it. Graduated with only missing 1 class in three years (missed the perfect attendance award by that much - damn that senior free day!!)

I attended college for 4 years and never settled on a major.  It was during that time that I became aware of the Fire Department and Paramedics.  I applied and in less than 8 months I was starting my first day with the Department.

I was a slow learner but eventually became one of the better ones out there, but as with everything time took it's toll.  I became resentful of the job, the Department and the public (not a good thing when you are a sworn civil servant).  So I decided a career change was needed and became a firefighter with the same Department.  A struggle to be sure, but one that was the right move for me in many ways.

Yes, all this time I am well inside the protective locker.  I played the "straight" by dating the local nurses (female) and had no problem "hanging" with the boys when it came to pointing out and discussing the pluses and minuses of the various females we saw. 

All of my friends were straight and all from my previous job.  I never crossed my personal life with my professional and vice versa.  I rarely attended any social activities involving members from my station (weddings, funerals, Christmas parties, etc.).  I always had an excuse and it seemed to work.  

More time than not I was asked how long I had been married or how many kids I had without any prompting or illusions on my part.  It was just assumed that a male on the Department was married with kids.  When the question was asked I would be direct in answer ("not married" or "no kids") and give a self-depreciative answer that would move us past this area.

Still to this day, even though I have been "semi-out" for 9 years, I still get the occasional offer for the wife or kids to do this or that.

And in case you are interested:  I have been with my partner for the past 8+ years and only 3 people within the Department have knowledge of this (at least I think it's 3 as those are the only ones I have told).

Why a Blog

Why a Blog?  Complicated and yet simple - I have lived my entire career inside the locker (we have lockers and not closets in the fire station, so a cheap metaphor) and I need to release the emotions and see if anyone else out there has similar feelings/experiences.